Tees2Greens on Golf

December 2007 - Posts

• The New Year's Resolutions Of A Bad Golfer

  I suppose I should start by resolving to become a better golfer in 2008, but at my age that seems like a bit of a waste of a resolution. I used to have a regular game with a retired chef by the name of Eddie Andrews who could barely hit the ball 200 yards. What Eddie lacked in power he made up for in finesse. While the rest of us were gripping and ripping and missing the fairways, steady Eddie would ease it right down the middle. A chip and a putt later, he would win the hole and the money. You would think that after hooking more balls than I can count into the woods swinging for the fence, I would eventually understand that I am not a long-ball hitter, even on a good day. Where is my Dave Pelz videotape? So, the smart thing to do in 2008 would be to concentrate on pitching and putting. Let the flat-bellies swing for the fences. I'll keep it in play and pound on you with my short game. I'll re-shaft my clubs with A-flexes and slow down my swing. I'll remove my cleats to help me stay light on my feet and not be tempted to dig in and rip it. I'll practice my chipping until I can stop the ball on the downwind edge of a glass coffee table. I'll practice putting until the hole looks as big as a hubcap from a '57 Chevy. Gosh, that sounds like a lot of work. Maybe I'll only swing hard on the par fives and the long par fours, or if it is downwind and I can get some extra carry, or into the wind when I really need more distance, or up hill, or... Hey, I think I can swing hard and still learn to chip and putt better. Come to think of it, the further I hit the ball the easer the chip will be; and the easer the chip the closer the putt; and the closer the putt the easier the putt. This really is an easy game. And since this is such an easy game, my New Year's resolution is that all of us work less and play golf more. Let's resolve to play every week and three days in a row at least four times in 2008. Let's also resolve to practice now and then and warm-up before every round in 2008. No more cold shafting it. Yeah, that's a bit like work, but we should give it a try don't you think? How about we all go with the flow a bit more in 2008, as well. As they say in New Orleans, Laissez le bon roulement de périodes, or let the good times roll and all that stuff. Stop and smell fairways and enjoy life more than we did in 2008. We should also resolve to laugh more in 2008. God knows there are a million reasons to frown: the war, the price of gas and everything else. Still, we should take every opportunity to laugh when possible, especially on the golf course. Finally, I hope you miss-hit all of your miss-reads into the hole. I hope you get a member's bounce every time you swing. But above all, take care of yourself, your family and your friends. And stay safe because I need all the readers I can get. Posted Dec 26 2007, 03:19 PM by Sam 'Bogey' Johnson with no comments Filed under: Sam Johnson, New Year's Resolution, Dave Pelz

• Christmas Balls and Other Golf Gifts You Shouldn’t Buy Anyone

  A message to all non-golfers; in the spirit of Christmas, Hanukah and Kwanza please don’t buy me golf balls with pictures of Rocky and Bullwinkle. Technically, I suppose they are okay to hit; I just hate it when someone is helping me look for my ball and I have to admit, “Yes, it’s the one with the Rocky The Flying Squirrel.” Also, don’t buy me that golf clock with the hour and minute hands made from the golfers arms. No one wants to look at a clock and see a cartoon golfer in some strange swing position at around ten after two in the afternoon. If I want to see a bad swing I’ll look in the mirror. Please don’t buy me clever head covers with animal heads or cartoon creatures. I’m not Tiger Woods and I certainly don’t want anyone to think that I think I might be remotely good enough to use the same head cover. How good do you have to be to have a tiger head cover? I don’t know, but a lot better than me. While we are at it, please don’t buy me one of those skin-tight Tiger Woods mock-turtle necks either. The next time I want to feel that bad about my body I’ll get a full-length mirror in the shower. I don’t know where you’re from, but in my foursome saggy man-breasts are not in style. Never buy me one of those all-in-one golf tools. You know the kind that fix divots, mark your ball, clean your spikes and stamps your name on your balls all at the same time. Nothing in life should be required to perform so many tasks. I mark my ball with a coin, I clean my spikes with the wire brush on the bottom of the ball washer and I identify my ball with a felt-tip pin. And please, please don’t buy me golf clothing such as knickers, argyle sweaters or socks, or hats with “I’d Rather Be Golfing” written across the front. Actually anything that says, “I’d Rather Be Golfing” on it anywhere is a no, no. Never buy me anything that says, “As Seen On TV” on the package. And never buy me golf lessons from a guy with the first name “Ace.” Stick with Butch and Hank. Randy Smith would be nice, too. Whatever you do, don’t ever buy me a book on golf fitness, and God forbid a membership in a gym. If I were remotely interested in exercise I wouldn’t be playing golf. I understand that walking a golf course is a great way to get exercise, and that for the most part, the joy of walking the course has been lost in our busy life style. However, I get enough of the “joy of walking” fetching beer from the refrigerator. Here are a few more things not to buy me: The WOW PUTTER with a compass, level, measuring tape, etc. For someone who has lost countless bets because of bad putting, this is not remotely funny. Nudie tees are one more distraction I don’t need, and besides the tees have no head, which kind of freaks me out. No one needs or wants a talking head cover for any reason, at any time. If someone gives you this gift they are trying to tell you that they are not your friend. If your wife gives this to you then you may want to consider surveillance. Ceramic chip and dip plates (get it, chip and dip?) are not funny and worst of all they are not appetizing so why mess up two sports (golf and eating) with them. Lastly, whatever you do, never buy me the POTTY PUTTER for any reason. Happy Holidays. Posted Dec 20 2007, 07:35 AM by Sam 'Bogey' Johnson with 1 comment(s) Filed under: Sam Johnson, Gifts, Kwanza, Christmas, Hanukah, The Wow Putter

• Tis' The Season... Somewhere

  Perhaps not where you live, but in Kapalua, Maui, Hawaii the golf season begins in 20 days with the Mercedes-Benz Championship. Now I ask you, with the temperature falling, the wind blowing, the snow snowing and Santa still working the department stores, shouldn't we be talking BCS Bowls, what's wrong with Eli Manning, the two Tim's, Tebow & Duncan, and the return of American Gladiators to network television? Am I crazy, or didn't Tiger just win the "Cup" last week and Zack Johnson the Masters a couple of weeks ago and wasn't it only last month that Angel Cabrera won the U.S. Open? They say that the older you get the faster time goes by and that maybe true, but holy mackerel, the season just finished. All I can say is that it's a good thing that Hawaii is Hawaii, otherwise they couldn't fill a foursome. But I guess that's the point, Hawaii is Hawaii, and, if you're one of the lucky ones who can afford to tee it up in Maui then I guess the season can't start too soon. On the other hand, if you've had one more turkey sandwich than you should have, shoveled snow until thought you were going to die, heard more Christmas music than you can stand, you may need January and February just to get over the holidays. In the meantime, turn on the tube, put up your feet, open a fresh bag of chips and imagine that you're Tony Romo, who, in addition to being the quarterback of the Dallas Cowboys, is also dating Jessica Simpson and most importantly is a scratch golfer. Nobody said that life was fair. And, if you're the kind of guy that needs a plan, listed below is the entire 2008 season, which comes to 6,500 hours of television viewing. Thank God for the remote control. Jan. 4-7 Mercedes-Benz Championship FedExCup Points: 25,000 Purse: $5,500,000 Plantation Course at Kapalua Kapalua, Maui, Hawaii Jan. 11-14 Sony Open in Hawaii FedExCup Points: 25,000 Purse: $5,200,000 Waialae CC Honolulu, Hawaii Jan. 17-21 Bob Hope Chrysler Classic FedExCup Points: 25,000 Purse: $5,000,000 The Classic Club Palm Desert, California PGA West (Palmer Course) La Quinta, California La Quinta CC La Quinta, California Bermuda Dunes CC Bermuda Dunes, California Jan. 25-28 Buick Invitational FedExCup Points: 25,000 Purse: $5,200,000 Torrey Pines San Diego, California FBR Open FedExCup Points: 25,000 Purse: $6,000,000 TPC Scottsdale Scottsdale, Arizona Feb. 8-11 AT&T Pebble Beach National Pro-Am FedExCup Points: 25,000 Purse: $5,500,000 Pebble Beach Golf Links Pebble Beach, California Poppy Hills Pebble Beach, California Spyglass Hill GC Pebble Beach, California Feb. 15-18 Nissan Open FedExCup Points: 25,000 Purse: $5,200,000 Riviera CC Pacific Palisades, California Feb. 22-25 Mayakoba Golf Classic at Riviera Maya-Cancun FedExCup Points: 12,500 Purse: $3,500,000 El Camaleon Riviera Maya, Mex Feb. 21-25 World Golf Championships-Accenture Match Play Championship FedExCup Points: 26,250 Purse: $8,000,000 The Gallery at Dove Mountain Tucson, Arizona March 1-4 The Honda Classic FedExCup Points: 25,000 Purse: $5,500,000 PGA National Champion Course Palm Beach Gardens, Florida March 8-11 PODS Championship FedExCup Points: 25,000 Purse: $5,300,000 Innisbrook Resort - Copperhead Palm Harbor, Florida March 15-18 Arnold Palmer Invitational presented by MasterCard FedExCup Points: 25,000 Purse: $5,500,000 Bay Hill Club & Lodge Orlando, Florida March 22-25 World Golf Championships-CA Championship FedExCup Points: 26,250 Purse: $8,000,000 Doral Golf Resort & Spa Miami, Florida March 29-April 1 Shell Houston Open FedExCup Points: 25,000 Purse: $5,500,000 Redstone GC Tournament Course Humble, Texas April 5-8 Masters Tournament # FedExCup Points: 27,500 Purse: $7,000,000 Augusta National GC Augusta, Georgia April 12-15 Verizon Heritage FedExCup Points: 25,000 Purse: $5,400,000 Harbour Town Golf Links Hilton Head, South Carolina April 19-22 Zurich Classic of New Orleans FedExCup Points: 25,000 Purse: $6,100,000 TPC Louisiana Avondale, Louisiana April 26-29 EDS Byron Nelson Championship FedExCup Points: 25,000 Purse: $6,300,000 TPC Four Seasons Resort Irving, Texas Cottonwood Valley GC Irving, Texas May 3-6 Wachovia Championship FedExCup Points: 25,000 Purse: $6,300,000 Quail Hollow CC Charlotte, North Carolina May 10-13 THE PLAYERS Championship FedExCup Points: 27,500 Purse: $9,000,000 TPC Sawgrass Ponte Vedra Beach, Florida Phil Mickelson AT&T Classic FedExCup Points: 25,000 Purse: $5,400,000 TPC Sugarloaf Duluth, Georgia May 24-27 Crowne Plaza Invitational at Colonial FedExCup Points: 25,000 Purse: $6,000,000 Colonial CC Ft. Worth, Texas May 31-June 3 the Memorial Tournament presented by Morgan Stanley FedExCup Points: 25,000 Purse: $6,000,000 Muirfield Village GC Dublin, Ohio June 7-10 Stanford St. Jude Championship FedExCup Points: 25,000 Purse: $6,000,000 TPC Southwind Memphis, Tennessee June 14-17 U.S. Open Championship # FedExCup Points: 27,500 Purse: $7,000,000 Oakmont CC Oakmont, Pennsylvania June 21-24 Travelers Championship FedExCup Points: 25,000 Purse: $6,000,000 TPC River Highlands Cromwell, Connecticut June 28-July 1 Buick Open FedExCup Points: 25,000 Purse: $4,900,000 Warwick Hills G&CC Grand Blanc, Michigan July 5-8 AT&T National FedExCup Points: 25,000 Purse: $6,000,000 Congressional Country Club Bethesda, Maryland July 12-15 John Deere Classic FedExCup Points: 25,000 Purse: $4,100,000 TPC Deere Run Silvis, Illinois July 19-22 U.S. Bank Championship in Milwaukee FedExCup Points: 12,500 Purse: $4,000,000 Brown Deer Park GC Milwaukee, Wisconsin July 19-22 British Open Championship # FedExCup Points: 27,500 Purse: $8,637,720 Carnoustie GC Angus, UK July 26-29 Canadian Open presented by Franklin Templeton Investments FedExCup Points: 25,000 Purse: $5,000,000 Angus Glen GC - North Course Markham, Ontario, Can Jim Furyk XM 146/GOLF/CBS Aug. 2-5 Reno-Tahoe Open FedExCup Points: 12,500 Purse: $3,000,000 Montreux G&CC Reno, Nevada Aug. 2-5 World Golf Championships-Bridgestone Invitational FedExCup Points: 26,250 Purse: $8,000,000 Firestone CC (South Course) Akron, Ohio Aug. 9-12 PGA Championship # FedExCup Points: 27,500 Purse: $7,000,000 Southern Hills CC Tulsa, Oklahoma Aug. 16-19 Wyndham Championship FedExCup Points: 25,000 Purse: $5,000,000 Forest Oaks CC Greensboro, North Carolina Aug. 23-26 The Barclays FedExCup Points: 50,000 Purse: $7,000,000 Westchester CC Harrison, New York Aug. 31-Sep. 3 Deutsche Bank Championship FedExCup Points: 50,000 Purse: $7,000,000 TPC Boston Norton, Massachusetts Sep. 6-9 BMW Championship FedExCup Points: 50,000 Purse: $7,000,000 Cog Hill G&CC Lemont, Illinois Sep. 13-16 THE TOUR Championship presented by Coca-Cola FedExCup Points: 50,000 Purse: $7,000,000 East Lake GC Atlanta, Georgia Sep. 20-23 Turning Stone Resort Championship Purse: $6,000,000 Atunyote Golf Club Verona, New York Sep. 27-30 Viking Classic Purse: $3,500,000 Annandale GC Madison, Mississippi Sep. 27-30 The Presidents Cup The Royal Montreal Golf Club Montreal, Quebec, Can Oct. 4-7 Valero Texas Open Purse: $4,500,000 LaCantera GC San Antonio, Texas Oct. 11-14 Frys.com Open benefiting Shriners Hospitals for Children Purse: $4,000,000 TPC Summerlin TPC Canyons Las Vegas, Nevada Oct. 18-21 Fry's Electronics Open Purse: $5,000,000 Grayhawk Golf Club - Raptor Scottsdale, Arizona Oct. 25-28 Ginn sur Mer Classic at Tesoro Purse: $4,500,000 Tesoro Club Port St. Lucie, Florida Nov. 1-4 Children's Miracle Network Classic presented by Wal-Mart Purse: $4,600,000 Magnolia GC Lake Buena Vista, Florida Palm GC Lake Buena Vista, Florida Nov. 5-5 ADT Skills Challenge # Purse: $800,000 * Fairmont Turnberry Isle Aventura, Florida Nov. 12-13 Wendy's 3 Tour Challenge # Purse: $1,000,000 * Lake Las Vegas Resort Henderson, Nevada Nov. 22-25 OMEGA Mission Hills World Cup # Purse: $5,000,000 * Mission Hills GC - Olazabal Shenzen, Chi Nov. 24-25 LG SKINS GAME # Purse: $1,000,000 * Celebrity Course Indian Wells, California Nov. 28-Dec. 3 PGA TOUR Qualifying Tournament Purse: $1,057,500 * Crooked Cat Course Winter Garden, Florida Panther Lake Course Winter Garden, Florida Dec. 7-9 Merrill Lynch Shootout # Purse: $2,800,000 * Tiburon GC Naples, Florida Dec. 13-16 Target World Challenge # Purse: $5,750,000 * Sherwood CC Thousand Oaks, California * Unofficial money, # Not PGA TOUR co-sponsored Posted Dec 13 2007, 02:24 PM by Sam 'Bogey' Johnson with 1 comment(s) Filed under: Sam Johnson, Tiger Woods, The Masters, Maui, Kapalua, Hawaii, Zack Johnson

• 26 Dreams And Even More Nightmares

  A couple of months ago Colt Knost had the world by the tail. The U.S. Amateur and U.S. Public Links Amateur champion, riding high on an impressive Walker Cup victory had just turned down his automatic invitation to the Masters. Today, Colt Knost is out of a job. Not only did he fail to grab the prize PGA Card, by finishing 85th at Q-School he was two shots shy of earning Nationwide status. On the other hand, Todd Demsey, a former NCAA champion and amateur teammate of Tiger Woods and Phil Mickelson, shot an impressive 8-under 64 to earn one of 26 full-exempt cards next year in the big leagues. Like Knost, Demsey was a phenomenon winning the NCAA title at Arizona State in 1993. He was teammates with Woods at the World Amateur Team Championship in 1994, and played alongside Justin Leonard in the Walker Cup. He also had the world by the ass. But things changes. Hampered by injuries, Demsey spent only one year on the PGA Tour, then it was off to the Nationwide Tour to try and earn a second chance at the big times. In 2002, after feeling unusual pressure in his left sinus, Demsey decided to have it checked out. Unbelievably, Doctors found a tumor behind his left sinus going into his brain. Suddenly, earning a PGA Card didn't seem very important. It took two operations to remove the tumor, and all seemed fine until earlier this year when doctors discovered that the tumor has returned. Although Doctors believe it is benign, he will have an MRI next week to decide whether to treat it with radiation. With a brand new PGA Card in his pocket, Demsey smiled and said, "They don't think it's going to be too much recovery time, probably just a week or so. Hopefully, I can get it done in the next week or two." That's good news because Demsey expects to take his new PGA Card out for a spin at the Sony Open in Honolulu in January. Other noteworthy PGA Cards went to old pro Frank Lickliter III, who won the whole thing with a whopping 29 under. Colorful Duffy Waldorf also secured his card, as did Carlos Franco with a 15 under and the semi-famous Tommy "Two Gloves" Gainey the first Big Break guy to do anything. The heart attack cards went to David Lutterus, John Merrick and Bob Sowards who tied for the last card at 14 under par. Merrick and Sowards birdied the last hole to secure their cards while Greg Chalmers and Miguel Angel Carballo bogeyed the last hole to lose theirs. Life is hard and sometimes golf is as well. Guys you may have heard of such as Harrison Frazar finished 12 under along with Skip Kindall and Grant Waite who were 10 under par, however all three left without a card. Esteban Toledo, who took more than 10 years to get his first card, finished in 62 place. The sons of famous fathers didn't fare well either as Hunter Haas finished 85th and Gibbie Gilbert III 93rd. The old warhorse Steve Pate finished 141st and the once bright star Tommy Tolles could do no better than 147th. Only the top 25 and ties were destined to have their dreams come true. The next 53 were granted Nationwide Tour exemption and the rest received limited Nationwide status whatever that means. Of those who finished, Spike McRoy, who shot 14 over, had the dubious honor of finishing last. However, it should be noted that by the second round eight guys had enough and picked up their ball and went home. Colt Knost will have to go back to the drawing board. Posted Dec 06 2007, 07:56 AM by Sam 'Bogey' Johnson with no comments Filed under: Sam Johnson, PGA Tour Card, Colt Knost, U.S. Amateur, Todd Demsey, U.S. Public Links Amateur