Tees2Greens on Golf

April 2009 - Posts

• Jerry Kelly Gets Paid $1,134,000 to Eat Oysters and Other Tidbits

  Scatter shooting and wondering if 42 year-old Jerry Kelly believed that he was ever going to win again after seven years without grabbing a big check? It does the heart good to see the 66th ranked driver bring home the bacon, doesn’t it? Think about it, Jerry was hitting a five iron when the long knockers were swinging wedges. And in spite of that, he finished 1st in greens in regulation. He finished 24th in putting and if he would have putted top ten he would have run away with it instead of winning by one. Did you see Jerry eating the winner’s oysters in New Orleans? What if every tournament started celebrating with food instead of an ugly jacket? For winning the Sony Open in Hawaii you’d get a bite of pineapple. The FBR would serve up tortilla soup. At Bay Hill maybe you could take a sip of an Arnold Palmer. The Nelson would be cooking up some chicken fried steak, and of course the Masters would be dishing out humble pie. I think this idea has legs. Way to go Jerry! And you can have my share of the oysters. All the talk is about Tiger returning to Quail Hollow this week. If you recall he was the defending champion and pulled out because of his knee. To fill the void our boy Anthony Kim stepped up to the plate and put his first one in the win column. For the last few years Quail Hollow (with a new logo) has had a list of who’s who as winners and this year field looks strong. By the way, in addition to playing in this week’s tournament Tiger is also playing next week at the Players, which will be the first time he’s played back-to-back tournaments in almost a year. The next big test for Tiger and all the rest will be the U.S. Open at badass Bethpage Black course the middle of June.  I haven’t heard if Tiger intends to play another gig before then, but five weeks seems like a long time between dances, doesn’t it? Be sure to watch the Outside The Ropes: Anthony Kim video on PGA.com. He is a really cool guy who says all he does is watch TV.  He says wants his own reality show so he can show the other side of being a professional golfer; the other side being non-golf, hanging out with his buddies and having fun. It’s must see TV for me.  In case you didn’t see it, and millions and millions of people didn’t, Tom Lehman and Bernhard Langer captured the Liberty Mutual Legends of Golf in a sudden death playoff. Check out their failed chest-bump. They even fanned the high-five. And speaking of nobody is watching, South Africa’s Garth Mulroy earned his first ever win down in South Georgia and took home $112,500, which is a lot more than I made last week, but almost the same as the guys who finished out of the top ten on the big tour made. No need to take up a collection for either of these guys; besides, if there is any collecting going on I’d like to sign up. If you enjoyed the Rocco and Tiger show at last year’s U.S. Open, wouldn’t it be fun to see a Kenny Perry and Tiger show at Bethpage? However, the word from the buffet line is that Angel Cabrera is going back for seconds. By the way, I’d like to thank everyone who suggested various new nicknames for me. All of them were funny. Some were even clean. Right now the leader in the clubhouse is “Diving Pig”, which is in reference to Ralph the famous diving pig who stared at the fancy water park in San Marcos, Texas.  In case you’re wondering, the equally famous Molly Ivans called Ralph the Diving Pig the Greg Louganis of Porkerdom. I can only hope to receive such accolades. Posted Apr 28 2009, 09:49 AM by Sam 'Bogey' Johnson with no comments Filed under: Sam Johnson, Tiger Woods, Anthony Kim, Kenny Perry, Rocco Mediate, Tom Lehman, Jerry Kelly, Bernhard Langer

• Tiger is Really Good, But is He Still Great?

  I am old enough to remember when John McEnroe was the number one tennis player in the world.  Tennis was hot and it was great fun to watch him and Jimmy Connors go at it. From 1980 until 1985 McEnroe, Connors and some guy named Borg took turns as the world’s number one. In 1986, the pressures of playing at the top became too much for McEnroe and he took a six-month break from the tour. It was during this sabbatical that he married Tatum O’Neal and started having babies. When he returned to the tour later in 1986, he won three titles, but he was never able to recapture the greatness he once displayed. In 1987, McEnroe failed to win a title for the first time since turning pro. He took a seven-month break from the game following the US Open, where he was suspended for misconduct and verbal abuse. Imagine that. The McEnroe magic was gone and would never return. Perhaps the most dominating American high Jumper of the twentieth century, Dwight Stones, revealed in an interview a few years ago that because he received bonus money every time he broke the world record he decided that he would only raise the bar and the world record a few centimeters each time in order to maximize his bonus money.  Consequently, when he was capable of jumping as high as he could he never did, and by the time he figured out that his place in history was to jump as high as he could he was no longer capable. The Dwight Stones magic was gone and would never return. There are many examples in sports where people at the top of their game took time off by choice or because of injury, or like Dwight Stones and a thousand others, wasted golden opportunities. Whatever happened to Marcus Dupree?   I’m not here to tell you that Tiger’s time off and his failure to win the Masters is foretelling the beginning of the end, but stranger things have happened. Excuse me for being selfish about my sports heroes, but I don’t believe that taking time off, getting married, and raising babies is the ideal training regiment for greatness. And having a zillion bucks in the bank can cause some to lose focus, I’m told.  Granted, Tiger is an exceptional athlete, and before the knee injury he may have been invincible. But if I recall, Bo Jackson was also invincible… in two sports. Tiger’s win at Bay Hill was big and removed a lot of the pressure.  But as big as it was it pales when compared to the importance of Tiger winning another major. But what if he doesn’t? The truth is, winning at Bay Hill is not enough and winning the Player won’t be either. The PGA’s incredible success over the last ten years was built on Tiger’s greatness and a really good Tiger isn’t good enough. We buy tickets to see Michael Jordan and Babe Ruth not Brian Gay. We want Elvis not Billy Ray Cyrus. Greatness is not to be toyed with. It is a religion. It is a gift from the gods to be worn like a crown. The dues of greatness are the fame and fortune that steals your anonymity and requires that you be nice to children even if you don’t like the little buggers. Greatness is hard, but there’s not one great athlete who would trade almost anything for just one more day of greatness. I don’t claim to be a sports physiologist (although I’m better than Rene Russo of Tin Cup fame); however, the one thing that I do know is that the difference between good and great is as thin as a Ben Hogan smile. When Bill Parcells was coaching the Dallas Cowboy he was asked if his 9 and 7 team was better than its record, and he replied, “You are what you are.” Using the Tuna’s measuring stick, is Tiger better than his tie for sixth at the Masters? Chances are he is, but I could use a golf miracle or two over the next few months just to remind me. Posted Apr 22 2009, 07:25 AM by Sam 'Bogey' Johnson with 3 comment(s) Filed under: Sam Johnson, Tiger Woods, John McEnroe, Jimmy Connors, Dwight Stones

• What’s In a Nickname?

  Golf is not overrun with nicknames unless you count Tiger, the Golden Bear, Slammin’ Sammy, Fuzzy, Montie, Lefty, Fluff, the Squire, Boom-Boom, the Walrus, Lumpy, El Nino, Squeeky, the Great White Shark, Chi Chi, the Big Easy, Woosie, Phil The Thrill, All Day Gay, Zinger, 3D, the Mechanic, J Row, Double D, Popeye, Spiderman, the Bulldog, Yogi, Mr. November, Boo, Volcano, Crime, Sunshine, Shoulders, Boss of the Moss, the Italian Bandit and the Smiling Assassin. Can you figure out who’s who? There are also some nicknames golf should steal, like Pretty Boy Trevor Immelman, Lucky Angel Cabrera, Mad Dog Hunter Mahan, Baby Face Sean O’Hair, Machine Gun Tommy Gainey, Bugsy Woody Austin, Big Nose Jim Furyk, Magic Padraig Harrington and He Hate Me Hank Kuehne. Which brings us to my nickname “Bogey”, which is far more accurate that most of the nicknames above. But accuracy is as overrated as my game, and since it’s my nickname I have chosen to reject it on several levels. First, because the truth can often be cruel, and I know you don’t want to hurt my feelings. Second, the nickname “Bogey” has become a self-fulfilling prophecy, and frankly no one bogeys every hole, not even me. Third, last Saturday I had a birdie and several pars, yet no one calls me Sam “Birdie”, or Sam “Par”. Can you spell double standard? Fourth, I don’t look like a “Bogey”. Granted, I talk like a 2, dress like a 10 and play like a 20, still if I were to pass you on the street “Bogey” would not come to mind, which leads to my final point. Five, I hate the nickname “Bogey”. It reminds me of the time a friend of mine told me that he named his newborn son after me, you guessed it; they named the kid Dumb Ass. I remember when a certain San Francisco newspaper ran a contest to give Joe Montana a nickname. Thankfully someone pointed out that when your name is Joe Montana you don’t really need a nickname. Let’s see what should we call Johnny Unitas? Still, nicknames are important. Sonny and Cherilyn LaPiere doesn’t really have the same ring as Congressman Bono and Cherilyn LaPiere. Would Theodore Kaczynski be just another bomber without the nickname Unabomber? So I come to you name-badge in hand looking for a new nickname and all suggestions will be considered. My new nickname should be descriptive yet playful like The Big Easy.  It’s important that it also be memorable like Slammin’, which goes well with my name but is already taken. Something lyrical might work like Slinging Sammy Baugh, or perhaps I should go for intimidating like the Old Gray Shark? My wife suggested Full of It, and Hot Air, but she was just kidding wasn’t she? Give me your best shot, and remember, Dumb Ass is already taken. Posted Apr 15 2009, 11:54 AM by Sam 'Bogey' Johnson with 3 comment(s) Filed under: Sam Johnson, Tiger, El Nino, Boo, the Walrus, Crime, Squeeky, Slammin’ Sammy, the Mechanic, Double D, the Bulldog, the Squire, the Italian Bandit, the Great White Shark, the Golden Bear, Yogi, J Row, Shoulders, Lefty, Nicknames, Mr. November, Sunshine, Popeye, Boom-Boom, Fuzzy, the Big Easy, Woosie, 3D, Phil The Thrill, the Smiling Assassin, Lumpy, Spiderman, Fluff, Volcano, Zinger, All Day Gay, Boss of the Moss, Montie, Chi Chi

• It’s Hard To Figure Out Why I Love Golf

  I don’t know why I love this game. I really don’t. It gives me more pain than pleasure more often than not. It allows me to flirt with perfection, then breaks my heart when I hit the ground a foot behind the ball. It’s a game of both power and finesse that whispers in my ear, “You’re still young” when nothing could be further from the truth. It’s a game of sport played by sportsmen who sometimes wager a dollar or two.  It’s been known to make preachers cuss like sailors, women to dress like men, and men to act like babies. Still, it is a game of honor where people call penalties on themselves while negotiating for an extra stroke or two on the next wager. Golf is played in some of the most beautiful places in the world. Historic places with names like Pinehurst, Pebble Beach, Carnoustie, St. Andrews and of course Augusta. But it’s also played and enjoyed in Mesquite, Texas with fairways as flat as tortillas and not so perfect greens. It’s an equal opportunity heartbreaker. According to YouTube, golf was invented in Scotland by Robin Williams, but the truth is golf has existed for at least 500 years because James II of Scotland, in an Act of Parliament dated March 6, 1457, had golf and football banned because these sports were interfering too much with archery practice sorely needed by the loyal defenders of the Scottish realm! Technology has done wonders for the average golfer but practice, dedication and raw talent still remain a factor I’m told. That same average golfer carries, or more accurately straps to a golf cart, 14 clubs, only about half of which he can actually hit. We wear spiked shoes, one glove and far too much tartan and argyle. The way I figure, golf is as good an excuse as any to dress like a pimp. Golf has evolved from old white guys smoking cigars to sleek young men and women from a hundred different cultures, in a variety of sizes and colors, wearing white belts and farmer tans. They are bigger, stronger and yes better than Bobby, Byron, Ben, Arnie and Jack. Golf is one of the few games I can think of with a dress code and for some reason I like that. It is a hodgepodge of game faces and giggles, and I don’t know why I love the game. It’s expensive; the clubs, the tee-times, the lessons, the memberships, and the argyle clothes add up fast. Not to mention the beer and bets. So what is it that makes me return again and again after quitting a hundred times? What makes me set the alarm early? Why do I suffer through the rain, wind and cold only to have my heart broken again and again? It’s hard to explain, especially to a non-golfer. But golf is like the girl that done you wrong, and you’re hoping she’ll do you wrong just one more time. Remember the joke about the hillbilly who holds the gun on the guy and forces him to drink the moonshine, then hands the gun to the guy and says now hold it on me while I take a drink. That’s what golf is like. It’s hard to figure out why I love golf. Perhaps it’s because I know that somewhere the azaleas are in bloom, the greens and fairways are freshly cut and golf hearts are smiling. It’s Masters week and I know why I love this game… don’t you? Posted Apr 07 2009, 03:59 PM by Sam 'Bogey' Johnson with 2 comment(s) Filed under: Sam Johnson, Why I Love Golf

• Short People Get In Free At The Masters

  Finding those Masters tickets hard to come by? You should know that in 2008, the Masters began allowing children to enter on tournament days for free when accompanied by an adult (with a ticket). Tickets for the Masters are not crazy expensive, they are just incredibly hard to come by. Even the practice round tickets are difficult to get. Applications for practice round tickets have to be made a year in advance and the successful applicants are chosen by random ballot. Tickets to the actual tournament are sold only to members of a patrons list, which is closed. But once you have your tickets you need to arrive prepared with a little Masters history and trivia. For example did you know that Bobbie Jones played in 12 Masters and never cracked the top-ten? How about the fact that for the first five years the Masters was named the Augusta National Invitational Tournament because Bobby Jones thought the Masters was presumptuous? Farmers and animal lovers will be glad to know that due to WWII the Masters was not played in 1943, 1944 or 1945. However, to help out with the war effort cattle and turkeys were raised on the grounds. In 1949 Sam Snead was the first winner to receive a green jacket. You know the one Arnold Palmer and Tiger have four of. Jack Nicklaus has six of them. He was also the first guy to defend his title, which meant he had to present a green jacket to himself.  Jack is also the oldest winner in the tournament's history (46 in '86). In 1997, Tiger Woods became the youngest when he won the Masters by twelve shots at age 21, in the process breaking the tournament four-day scoring record that had stood for 32 years. The total prize money for the 2008 tournament was $7,500,000, with $1,350,000 going to the winner. First year winner Horton Smith received $1,000. After Jack’s first win in 1963, he received $20,000, and after his final victory in 1986 he won $144,000. Did you know the green jacket is only allowed to be removed from Augusta National by the reigning champion during the first year, after which it must remain at the club? However, Gary Player refused to return his jacket after his 1961 victory. And except for one time at a Halloween Party in Cape Town, he claims that he has never worn the jacket since. The Champions’ dinner was first held in 1952, hosted by defending champion Ben Hogan, to honor the past champions of the tournament. Officially known as the "Masters Club," it includes only past winners of the Masters, although selected members of the Augusta National Golf Club have been included as honorary members. The defending champion, as host, selects the menu for the dinner. Over the years, one of the most notable dishes was haggis, served by Scotsman Sandy Lyle. Under the heading of what took you so long, Lee Elder became the first African-American to qualify for the Masters in 1975. It would be another fifteen years before Augusta National admitted its first black member. Speaking of old white guys running things, up until 1982 all players in the Masters were required to use the services of an Augusta National Club caddie, who by club tradition was always an African-American. And while we are at it, Gary Player, the coat snatcher, became the first non-American to win the Masters in 1961 beating Arnold Palmer, the defending champion. In 1974 he won again by two strokes. After not winning a tournament for four years, and at the age of 42, Player won his third and final Masters in 1978 by one stroke over three players. Under the heading of longer and stronger, ten years ago the course measured approximately 6925 yards from the Masters tees. It was lengthened to 7270 yards for 2002, and again in 2006 to 7445 yards.  The greens are bentgrass and the bunkers are white feldspar. One last thing, if you thought you might play a round at Augusta after the tournament, you know, just to get the feel of the place, you should know that they don’t allow jeans and you are not allowed to bring your own beer. Posted Apr 03 2009, 10:19 AM by Sam 'Bogey' Johnson with no comments Filed under: Ben Hogan, Sam Johnson, Tiger Woods, The Masters, Jack Nicklaus, Arnold Palmer, Gary Player, 2009, Lee Elder, Horton Smith, Bobbie Jones, Tickets