Tees2Greens on Golf

September 2009 - Posts

• John Senden Will Win The FedEx Cup, and Tom Delay Will Win Dancing With The Stars, and Here’s How

  Several years ago I wrote a book that no one read. A passage in that book referenced a memory test that went something like this:  “Let’s give it a try, okay?  Just for fun?  Here goes.”  With his yellow pad in hand, Doctor Ferguson read each number precisely. “1, 7, 21, 28, 57, 2, 9, 6, 15, 47, 3, 15, 18, 33, 69, 4, 43, 1, 44, 161, 5, 3, 7, 10, 25, 6, 3, 22, 25, 56.  Okay, it’s your turn.” Timothy smiled when he realized that Doctor’s test was ripped-off from a PBS special he had heard repeated at least thirty times.  It was a trick. “I think this is right: 1, 7, 21, 28, 57, 2, 9, 6, 15, 47, 3, 15, 18, 33, 69, 4, 43, 1, 44, 161, 5, 3, 7, 10, 25, 6, 3, 22, 25, 56.” Timothy felt guilty that he was not telling the doctor that his test was tainted.  “I have to tell you that I’ve heard this test on public television many times.  It’s a trick.  All you have to do is remember that every fifth number is total of the previous four.  The second and third number of each sequence added together equals the fourth number, and obviously the first number of each of the five number sequences is one through six.” Here’s Tim Finchem’s rewrite of the passage in my novel: If No. 1 TIGER WOODS wins he is guaranteed to win FedExCup as are STEVE STRICKER , JIM FURYK , ZACH JOHNSON and HEATH SLOCUM.  If No. 6 PADRAIG HARRINGTON wins Tiger Woods must finish third or worse. Then the plot thickens; If No. 7 SEAN O'HAIR wins Tiger Woods must finish third or worse; Steve Stricker must finish third or worse. If No. 8 SCOTT VERPLANK wins Tiger Woods must finish fourth or worse; Steve Stricker must finish third or worse. Verplank will be tied for first if Tiger Woods finishes third, or if Jim Furyk finishes second. If No. 9 KENNY PERRY wins Tiger Woods must finish fourth or worse; Steve Stricker must finish third or worse; Jim Furyk must finish third or worse. Perry will be tied for first if Zach Johnson finishes second. If No. 10 JASON DUFNER wins Tiger Woods must finish fifth or worse; Steve Stricker must finish fourth or worse; Jim Furyk must finish third or worse; Zach Johnson must finish third or worse. Dufner will be tied for first if Heath Slocum finishes second. Clear so far? Okay, if No. 11 DUSTIN JOHNSON wins Tiger Woods must finish seventh or worse; Steve Stricker must finish fifth or worse; Jim Furyk must finish fourth or worse; Zach Johnson must finish third or worse; Heath Slocum must finish third or worse. On the other hand, if No. 12 NICK WATNEY wins Tiger Woods must finish seventh or worse; Steve Stricker must finish fifth or worse; Jim Furyk must finish fourth or worse; Zach Johnson must finish third or worse; Heath Slocum must finish third or worse. Still, if No. 13 GEOFF OGILVY wins Tiger Woods must finish eighth or worse; Steve Stricker must finish fifth or worse; Jim Furyk must finish fourth or worse; Zach Johnson must finish third or worse; Heath Slocum must finish third or worse. Now, if No. 14 PHIL MICKELSON wins Tiger Woods must finish ninth or worse; Steve Stricker must finish fifth or worse; Jim Furyk must finish fourth or worse; Zach Johnson must finish third or worse; Heath Slocum must finish third or worse. What happens if No. 15 RETIEF GOOSEN wins? Well, Tiger Woods must finish 10th or worse; Steve Stricker must finish fifth or worse; Jim Furyk must finish fourth or worse; Zach Johnson must finish third or worse; Heath Slocum must finish third or worse; Padraig Harrington must finish third or worse. Goosen will be tied for first if Tiger Woods finishes ninth, or if Padraig Harrington finishes second. Not to worry, because if No. 16 MARC LEISHMAN wins Tiger Woods must finish 10th or worse; Steve Stricker must finish fifth or worse; Jim Furyk must finish fourth or worse; Zach Johnson must finish third or worse; Heath Slocum must finish third or worse; Padraig Harrington must finish third or worse. It could happen that No. 17 BRIAN GAY wins, then Tiger Woods must finish 11th or worse; Steve Stricker must finish fifth or worse; Jim Furyk must finish fourth or worse; Zach Johnson must finish third or worse; Heath Slocum must finish third or worse; Padraig Harrington must finish third or worse. Then again if, No. 18 KEVIN NA wins Tiger Woods must finish 12th or worse; Steve Stricker must finish fifth or worse; Jim Furyk must finish fourth or worse; Zach Johnson must finish third or worse; Heath Slocum must finish third or worse; Padraig Harrington must finish third or worse. It’s possible that No. 19 DAVID TOMS could win, which would mean that Tiger Woods must finish 13th or worse; Steve Stricker must finish fifth or worse; Jim Furyk must finish fourth or worse; Zach Johnson must finish third or worse; Heath Slocum must finish third or worse; Padraig Harrington must finish third or worse. Okay, all of this seems unlikely, but you never know. If No. 20 LUCAS GLOVER could somehow win, then Tiger Woods must finish 13th or worse; Steve Stricker must finish fifth or worse; Jim Furyk must finish fourth or worse; Zach Johnson must finish third or worse; Heath Slocum must finish third or worse; Padraig Harrington must finish third or worse. Obviously the odds are long, but if No. 21 Y.E. YANG wins Tiger Woods must finish 14th or worse; Steve Stricker must finish sixth or worse; Jim Furyk must finish fourth or worse; Zach Johnson must finish fourth or worse; Heath Slocum must finish third or worse; Padraig Harrington must finish third or worse. Yang will be tied for first if Tiger Woods finishes 13th, or if Steve Stricker finishes fifth, or if Zach Johnson finishes third. Now, if No. 22 ERNIE ELS wins Tiger Woods must finish 14th or worse; Steve Stricker must finish sixth or worse; Jim Furyk must finish fourth or worse; Zach Johnson must finish fourth or worse; Heath Slocum must finish third or worse; Padraig Harrington must finish third or worse. Granted, it is hard to imagine, but if No. 23 HUNTER MAHAN wins Tiger Woods must finish 16th or worse; Steve Stricker must finish sixth or worse; Jim Furyk must finish fourth or worse; Zach Johnson must finish fourth or worse; Heath Slocum must finish third or worse; Padraig Harrington must finish third or worse. Mahan will be tied for first if Tiger Woods finishes 15th. However I think No. 24 ANGEL CABRERA could actually win, which means that Tiger Woods must finish 18th or worse; Steve Stricker must finish sixth or worse; Jim Furyk must finish fourth or worse; Zach Johnson must finish fourth or worse; Heath Slocum must finish third or worse; Padraig Harrington must finish third or worse. Cabrera will be tied for first if Tiger Woods finishes 17th. I know it seems unlikely, but what if No. 25 STEVE MARINO wins Tiger Woods must finish 20th or worse; Steve Stricker must finish sixth or worse; Jim Furyk must finish fourth or worse; Zach Johnson must finish fourth or worse; Heath Slocum must finish third or worse; Padraig Harrington must finish third or worse. Marino will be tied for first if Tiger Woods finishes 19th. Which begs the question if No. 26 STEWART CINK wins Tiger Woods must finish 22nd or worse; Steve Stricker must finish seventh or worse; Jim Furyk must finish fifth or worse; Zach Johnson must finish fourth or worse; Heath Slocum must finish third or worse; Padraig Harrington must finish third or worse. Cink will be tied for first if Tiger Woods finishes 21st, or if Steve Stricker finishes 6th, or if Jim Furyk finishes 4th. So, what happen if No. 27 MIKE WEIR wins? Well, Tiger Woods must then finish 24th or worse; Steve Stricker must finish seventh or worse; Jim Furyk must finish fifth or worse; Zach Johnson must finish fourth or worse; Heath Slocum must finish third or worse; Padraig Harrington must finish third or worse. Weir will be tied for first if Tiger Woods finishes 23rd. Sure it is hard to imagine, but if No. 28 LUKE DONALD wins Tiger Woods must finish 26th or worse; Steve Stricker must finish seventh or worse; Jim Furyk must finish fifth or worse; Zach Johnson must finish fourth or worse; Heath Slocum must finish third or worse; Padraig Harrington must finish third or worse. Donald will be tied for first if Tiger Woods finishes 25th. Sure he needs a lot of help, but if No. 29 JERRY KELLY wins, then Tiger Woods must finish 28th or worse; Steve Stricker must finish seventh or worse; Jim Furyk must finish fifth or worse; Zach Johnson must finish fourth or worse; Heath Slocum must finish third or worse; Padraig Harrington must finish third or worse. Kelly will be tied for first if Tiger Woods finishes 27th. If hope springs eternal, and all things are possible, then No. 30 JOHN SENDEN could win to do this Tiger Woods must finish 30th; Steve Stricker must finish seventh or worse; Jim Furyk must finish fifth or worse; Zach Johnson must finish fourth or worse; Heath Slocum must finish third or worse; Padraig Harrington must finish third or worse. Senden will be tied for first if Tiger Woods finishes 29th. After reading all of the scenarios and possible combinations you will notice that the name Tiger Woods leads each. In other words, John Senden has a shot to win if Tiger gets hit by a bus. On the other hand, what if the other 29 players got creative and chipped in $50,000 each and paid Tiger $1,450,000 not to show up? This could work for everyone. Tiger gets a fat check, an additional week of rest and could probably get another million or so from the TV network for commentary. Then John Senden and Tom Delay only need an outbreak of the swine flu to win. Cough… Cough… Posted Sep 22 2009, 05:14 PM by Sam 'Bogey' Johnson with 2 comment(s) Filed under: Sam Johnson, Tiger Woods, Padraig Harrington, FedEx Cup, Jim Furyk, Steve Stricker, Ernie Els, Geoff Ogilvy, Stewart Cink, Hunter Mahan, Mike Weir, Dustin Johnson, Luke Donald, Y.E. Yang, David Toms, Jerry Kelly, Zach Johnson, Steve Marino, John Sended, Lucas Glover, Marc Leishman, Sean O'Hair, Brian Gay, Heath Slocum

• Is Tiger Becoming a Bad Winner?

  From time-to-time, on these electronic pages, I have discussed greatness. For those of us who can only watch and never hope to achieve sports greatness on our own, the idea of greatness is the Holy Grail of sports. I can’t imagine what it would be like to be able to play like Tiger Woods, or Jack Nicklaus, or Bobbie Jones in their prime. What must it feel like to stand on the first tee knowing the golf talent you possess is better than any person on earth? Humility aside, Tiger knows he’s great, and unfortunately, if you listen carefully, you’ll hear him say it as he did after his dominating win at the BMW. Referencing the tricky greens, an interviewer (I don’t remember who it was) mentioned that he had seen Tiger asking Steve Williams to help him read several greens, to which Tiger snapped, “I asked Steve for a read on one green.” Well, excuse me. To put Tiger’s comment in perspective, you should know that Bobbie Jones was asked essentially the same question 80 years ago, to which he responded something like, “When I start asking my caddie to read putts, I’ll carry the bag and let him play.” Which is a perfect tie-in to the immortal words of White Men Can’t Jump’s Sidney Deane, who said, “I don't mean to brag... but I'm the greatest!” All of this begs the question, has humility has gone out of style, or was it ever in style for the great ones? Is Sidney Deane the greatest, or does he confirm my point, which is that greatness is a gift and the confirmation of greatness is best left to others? Granted, I don’t know what it’s like to walk on golf water, but I do know how it sounds to tell other people that you can walk on water and it’s not flattering. I happen to believe that Dizzy Dean was wrong when he said, “It ain’t bragging if you can do it.” Actually, it is bragging if you can do it and it’s just stupid if you can’t do it. We’ve always cut our sports heroes and other celebrities a lot of slack. It starts when they are in grade school and as their talent becomes more evident the more slack we cut them. The ones with good parents and coaches are taught early on the value of humility; the others show up on You Tube saying or doing something really stupid. What Tiger said was not all that bad, but it was something that he didn’t need to say. We all know that Steve Williams didn’t make the putt and Tiger did. We all understand who works for whom and whose name gets put on the trophy, so there is no need to scoreboard us. I understand that the most famous athlete in the world lives in a pressurized world that may be difficult for me to understand, but according to Lee Trevino, pressure is a relative thing. To paraphrase Lee, pressure isn’t putting for $50,000 in a PGA Tournament; pressure is putting for five bucks with empty pockets. Tiger Woods is the greatest golfer in the world and when all is said and done he will likely end up being the greatest of all times. I can say that, Tiger can’t. The former Heavyweight Boxing Champion of the World Larry Holmes, who fought his entire career in the shadow of Muhammad Ali, never understood that respect must be given freely, and those who demand it rarely receive their fair share. I don’t expect Tiger to poormouth his accomplishments like some kind of latter-day Bear Bryant, but I hope he remembers the lessons of Larry Holmes. Keep the fire in your heart and the swagger in your step; just leave the coronation to your fans.   Posted Sep 18 2009, 12:48 PM by Sam 'Bogey' Johnson with 1 comment(s) Filed under: Sam Johnson, Tiger Woods

• 10 Things I Hate About The End of Summer Golf

  Now and then it’s time to reconcile… to take note of… to ponder… to stop and smell the new golf glove before you move on to a new season. Generally speaking, I am not sentimental, but I do enjoy the change of the seasons. In a way, I envy those of you living in places with dramatic season changes, not enough to move there, but take your envy where you can get it. Since I live in the land of the scorching September, I mark the beginning of the Fall not by the changing of the leaves, but by how much the Dallas Cowboy Cheerleaders are sweating, but I digress. For what it’s worth, here are the 10 things I hate about the end of summer golf: Without the Ryder Cup the only thing golfers have to get excited about is the FedEx Cup, which as I have said before, is a tournament to decide what? Best golfer? No… Most wins? No… Leading money winner? Perhaps… The FedEx Cup is one of those weird tournaments like gymnasts have after the Olympics. I guess it’s good theater, but not always. When all is said and done, it’s about the rich getting richer, and Tim Finchem getting more arrogant… but other than that I like it. Once the PGA and that other tournament is over, I’m not a fan of the Fall Season and the Justin Timberlake Shriners Hospitals for Children Open. First of all, no tournament should have seven words in their title. Second, no tournament should have to have Justin Timberlake as its host. Thirdly, I understand that the Shriners Hospital and the Children’s Miracle Network need the money and I think that Justin Timberlake, Tim Finchem and FedEx should give it to them and give the rest of us a break. I hate hearing how good of a golfer Tony Romo is every September. The Dallas Cowboys haven’t won a playoff game this decade, therefore Tony Romo should give his clubs a rest and toss a few more balls at that swinging tire in the backyard of his mansion. I hate that every Fall I forget that all the bad shots were mine and I start looking for a new set of clubs to solve all of my swing problems. The truth is, and it’s rare that I speak it here, if you can play, you can do it with a second hand set you got from your uncle Bob. It’s not the arrow, it’s the Indian; I know that, you know that, but the next party is always the best one isn’t it? I hate it when the grounds keepers start working on the course. I understand the need after a long hot summer, but I can’t putt and I really can’t putt after they treat the greens.  With this in mind, I propose a 10-foot gimmie rule while the greens are being repaired. Who knows, if this catches on I could end up being a very good putter. I hate the silly season with all the made for TV golf shows. If I want to see silly golf I’ll have somebody video tape one of my rounds. Seriously, give it a break. Enjoy Thanksgiving and think about all of the bad golf gifts you’ll be getting. Remember the Potty Putter… can Christmas be far behind? I hate that the Champions Tour has the Charles Schwab Championship in October. Take everything I said about the FedEx Cup and change the name to the Charles Schwab Championship and you’ll get the picture. I'm just thankful that the seniors only play one week instead of four weeks like the flat-bellies. Exactly how old is Andy Bean? I hate delaying my tee-times because there is a great football game on Saturday or Sunday, or both, and this year the Texas Rangers are hanging close to a wildcard spot, so it’s really hard. No six A. M. tee-times because it’s dark, but mostly no six A. M. tee-times because it’s frigging six A. M. I hate that the President’s Cup is not a big as the Ryders Cup. Take a look at the teams. The internationals look really strong as do the Yanks. Both Fred Couples and Greg Norman have better hair than most Captains… well better than Captain Crunch. Check out the player points: Tiger Woods has 24,193,993, while Geoff Ogilvy has only 257.85 on the international side. I don’t know what that means, but it hardly seems fair. Finally, I hate when I’m late for a tee-time and I have to slow down for a school zone. Children beware.   Posted Sep 10 2009, 06:52 AM by Sam 'Bogey' Johnson with 1 comment(s) Filed under: Sam Johnson, FedEx Cup, Champions Tour, Greg Norman, Fred Couples, Tony Romo, Ryder Cup, grounds keepers, Charles Schwab Championship, President’s Cup

• Trash Talking At The FedEx Cup

  In U. S. sports trash talking has become a refined, and at times, artful part of professional basketball and football. As a professional wise-ass, I don’t necessarily endorse shooting off one's mouth for the sake of intimidation, but it has its moments. Rooted in the backyards and playgrounds around the world, trash talking is actually more common friend to friend, than friend to foe. I mean what are friends for if not to abuse, and who hasn’t trash talked a friend, or likewise been the recipient of said action? Country Club sports, such as golf, have not experienced trash talking on the professional level as yet. The closest thing to trash talking in professional golf is the Ryder Cup, which is basically cheering for the home team. However, that alone seems to upset the Brits who invented the stiff upper lip and decorum in general. The only solace I can offer the Brits are words from my sainted grandmother, and Vinnie Barbarino who eloquently stated, “Up your nose with a rubber hose!” I’m not suggesting “White Men Can’t Jump” trash talking intensity at the next round of the FedEx Cup. Seriously, I can’t think of a place in golf where it would be appropriate to quote Sidney Deane who said, “Oh man shut your anorexic malnutrition tapeworm-having overdose on Dick Gregory Bahamian diet-drinking ass up.” However, what’s wrong with reminding your playing partner after he missed a putt that he couldn’t roll a basketball into the Grand Canyon? Long before FedEx delivered the first trophy, Ben Hogan was trash talking before and after a match. Well, it wasn’t so much trash talking as rudeness, but seemed to work. During the match he used silence and glaring looks to intimidate. He also used the two word sentence, “You're away” to capture the moment. There was a story running around the Byron Nelson tournament about Lanny Watkins who, when asked to read a putt by his pro-am partner replied, “Just pick it up fat-boy.”… That’s cold and rude. Lee Trevino, who never had the opportunity to compete for a FedEx Cup, was and still is a trash talker. However, rather than talking to his opponent he talked to himself. “I don’t think I could make that putt again with a bucket of balls. Wow! That putt was really fast.” Lee is one of the great hustlers and as such he knows all the tricks. Remember the incident with Jack Nicklaus and the rubber snake? In his prime Lee was known to brag a bit as well, which is actually another form of trash talking. I’m sure that he understood that confidence is a great intimidator when he said, “I'm going to win so much money this year my caddie will make the top twenty money winner's list.” John McEnroe made a pretty good living being disruptive and trash talking the officials. Who can forget, “Do you have any problems, other than that you're unemployed, a moron, and a dork?” Now, you may disagree with his tactics, but you have to admit it made his opponents crazy, the media loved him, and fired-up both he and the crowd. So, how are we going to make this FedEx Cup interesting outside of letting Heath Slocum win two more and shutting out the field? The answer could be full-contact trash talking. Granted, Tiger doesn’t appear to do much talking during a round, however he will throw down a celebratory fist-pump and more at the big moment, which can be every bit as intimidating as a look from Jack Nicklaus or Ben Hogan. I can’t remember anyone trying to throw Tiger off his game by trash talking him. They seem to prefer the let sleeping Tigers lie strategy. However, now that Tiger is already ticked-off about missing the six-footer last week, what could it hurt? Maybe Heath Slocum could offer Tiger a putting lesson, or Padraig Harrington could wear a kilt… Why not? Hey! I’m doing my part to try and make this FedEx thing interesting for the next three weeks.   Posted Sep 03 2009, 03:16 PM by Sam 'Bogey' Johnson with 1 comment(s) Filed under: Sam Johnson, FedEx Cup, 2009, Talking Trash