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The Top Ten Dumbest List
Written By: Sam 'Bogey' Johnson on Dec 15 2011
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The season has been over for a week and I’m already bored, and when I’m bored I create new top ten lists. Here are just a few of them (sorry, with more than a month to Hawaii you’ll just have to suffer along with me).

Top Ten Party Animal, Tommy Armour III
Tommy’s career is pretty much over. In 2011 he made zip and in 2010 he took home $11,130. Nevertheless, Tommy is the host with the most. At his home on the 18th fairway of the TPC Las Colinas, just a sand wedge away from the Byron Nelson, his parties are legendary. With the spirits flowing right up to early tee times, when someone is late, the question is always asked, “Did you check Tommy’s house?”

Top Ten Shortest Name, Kevin Na
Kevin is a good guy and a good golfer. In 2011 he cashed checks worth $2,336,965, and with a two letter last name, it took only a millisecond to sign the back. T.C. Chen was is in the running for shortest name, but the judges ruled that T.C. was not actually a name, and in any case not his last name. Two letters is the world’s record. Good call judges.

Top Ten Hair On Tour, Rickie Flower
This a dubious award at best because it is not well defined; it is not best hair, or longest hair, or even least hair, just Top Ten Hair. Technically, Sean O’Hair should be rewarded somehow, and what about Jim Furyk for least hair, or Charles Coody who was eliminated because of medicinal reasons. If you combine Bubba Watson’s head and  chest he wins going away, but the judges said no, so Rickie is the winner.

Top Ten Name With Two Ys, Y.E. Yang
Y.E., the former PGA Champion and fellow Dallasite, is the only guy on the PGA Tour with a last name starting with the letter “Y”. Hard to believe that there are no Young's or Yale’s, or Yakov’s, but no. Granted, in the middle east Ys are a dime a dozen, but this Top Ten list is for the PGA, so all you Yaawar’s will need to hit the driving range if you expect to make the list next year.

Top Ten Animal Name On Tour, Tiger Woods
This one is not as easy as you might think. Consider Jonathan Byrd. Granted, that’s not how the flying kind is spelled, which I didn’t learn until I was eliminated from my third-grade spelling bee, but that’s another story. What about Azinger, which is a type of mosquito in Alabama? Okay, Tiger wins, but like his only other win of the season, this one is not a full field either.

Top Ten Most Common Name On Tour, Bill Haas, Hunter Haas, and Jay Haas
Okay, there are four Browns, four Jones, four Smiths, four Johnsons, three Adams, three Edwards, three Greens, three Lyles, and three Simpsons, but Haas is the hardest to spell. Granted, it’s not harder to spell than Tataurangi, or Olazabal, or Oosthuizen, or Hjertstedt, and had any one of these had a twin brother playing they would have been awarded the most common name.

Top Ten Longest Name On Tour
How can you not start with Padraig Harrington and Jose Maria Olazabal at 17 letters. Granted, if we include Padraig’s middle name he likely wins going away, but since it is not in common use the judges have decided to call it a tie. Still what if we included the middle names of Scott Gutschewski, Gabriel Hjertstent, Dave Eichelberger and Maruyama Shigeki, but alas we did not.

Top Ten Names That Start With X
Alas, there are no players on the PGA Tour whose name starts with X... not even a first name like Xavier is noted. There are two Z’s on Tour. The famous one Fuzzy Zoeller who should get a special prize for having three Z’s in his name, and the not so famous Richard Zokol who has only on Z in his.

Top Ten Dumbest Blogs I’ve Ever Written
This has to be at the top of the list. How much longer until the 2012 season starts?


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Cathy Erickson said:

Thanks for the laughs. :)

December 16, 2011 9:48 AM

About Sam 'Bogey' Johnson

Sam Johnson is the Executive Editor of Tees2Greens and an avid supporter, and a so-so player of the great game of golf. However, under no circumstance should you accept a golf tip from him.

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