Tees2Greens on Golf

As you and I try to adjust to golf without Tiger Woods, I wonder if PGA Tour Commissioner Tim Finchem is doing the same.  In all likelihood he’s staying up nights trying to figure out how to hold on to his Tigerless TV audience.  One idea would be to have Jack Nicklaus pull a Greg Norman at the FedEx Cup, but that would require some sort of preemptive sponsor exemption, not to mention another hip replacement for old Jack. Imagine how humble old Jack would be if he were leading the FedEx Cup on the final Saturday.

Since the Commissioner fancies himself as a bit of a promotional gunslinger he might be thinking about Dancing with the Pros to snag a few more television viewers.  I may not know much about dancing, but I’m thinking Ian Poulter has to be better than Jerry Springer.  So what if all the girls are taller than Mike Weir, I’d pay money to see Woody Austin dancing with Edyta… actually I’d pay money to see Edyta without Woody, but that’s a different story.

Maybe a reality show would work better, something like, The PGA Bachelor.  The idea is that a gaggle of groupies try to get Adam Scott to marry one of them.  Each week’s winner gets to caddie and is judged on having the correct yardage and reading greens. In the last episode Adam pulls off his mask to reveal that he is actually Rocco Mediate… what a surprise ending. The ratings will go crazy.

I also like the idea of full contact golf.  I can see it now; each green is inside the cage guarded by an Extreme Fighter.  It’s a no holds barred, putt to the finish.  Sure the fighters may be big and mean, but they have never gone up against Vijay Singh’s long putter, or Trevor Immelman’s Nike spikes. So much for your rear naked choke, give Davis Love III a swing with a sand wedge and look out. Forget Kimbo Slice we got Bubba Watson and Shigeki Maruyama.

Too violent? Then how about Project Fairway where each golfer is forced to wear an haute couture ensemble designed especially for him by a spiked hair, body pierced, chartreuse wearing partner (and I don’t mean Ian Poulter). Granted, there are a few guys like Ian Poulter that will be the odds on favorite every week, so we’ll need to determine some sort of handicap system, but this is all out war. Never mind that those taffeta pants make a funny noise when they swing, bring on your plaids and argyles. Mix those animal prints with Spandex; let’s face it, there is nothing a golfer won’t wear… well, maybe not those thin shirts that show your boobs, but everything else.

How about turning the entire PGA Tour into Big Break 2008. Quick, somebody call the Golf Channel. I’ve heard it, and so have you; people saying that the Tour was more exciting without Tiger.  Bite your tongue. We’re getting to see a lot of new faces and all that crap. Let me repeat what I have said in the past about the Big Break… Guys who can play don’t need a Big Break and guys who need a Big Break can’t play.

Okay, I’m bored without Tiger.

Perhaps it is sound of Peter Thomson’s voice, or the crazy weather, or the course conditions, or links golf, or the snooty traditions, or as I suspect, all of the aforementioned combined that makes the Open (in China they call it food, and in Britain it’s the Open) so special. In any case it is a pleasant change to watch some of the world’s most pampered athletes trek through the pastures of Scotland with the wind rolling their socks down at every turn.

There is also a Wimbledon vs. Forest Hills aspect to it; the clean fast track versus torn up grass. Imagine a U.S. Open venue looking like St. Andrews? It’s enough to give Tim Fenchem a heart attack and leave Johnny Miller at a loss for words. Golf is a gentle sport in the U.S. A., and a gentleman’s sport in Scotland… and there is a difference.

I love the open, and if we can hold it together a couple more years, maybe the folks at Tees2Greens will put together an outing. It would be a hell of a lot of fun.

They say that there are 18 holes because that’s how many shots are in a bottle of Scotch Whisky, but there is nothing in golf history to confirm that lovely story. However, golf history does testify that more than 400 years after golf first appeared on Scotland's Tayside coast, Royal Birkdale will host the 2009 Open, which is nothing new since it also hosted the Open in 1954, 1961, 1965, 1971, 1976, 1983, 1991, 1998, 2008.

Located in Southport, Merseyside, England, Royal Birkdale is the golfing jewel of a stretch of beautiful links-land which runs almost uninterrupted for 20 miles north of Liverpool. The course was first established in 1889, but was extensively redesigned in 1922 by Fred Hawtree and J. H. Taylor to create the current layout, which is characterized by its picturesque, snaking course through the sand dunes, which tower over each of the fairways.

The Open was originally due to visit Royal Birkdale in 1940, but the advent of war delayed this until 1954; since then, however, the course has been (alongside Royal Lytham) the most regular venue for the Championship other than Saint Andrews. The 2008 Open marks the ninth visit of the event to the Merseyside links.

Course length for the Open is 7,173 yards, par 71. And, if you’re looking for that memorable moment it would be when the 19-year-old Severiano Ballesteros stunned the golfing world with his dazzling debut in 1976. He led by two going into the final round, but fell away and finished second. Three years later he would finally cash in at 1979 Royal Lytham.

Royal Birkdale was also the first Open championships for Peter Thomson. He returned to the same course in 1965 to add his fifth and final title. Arnold Palmer's victory in 1961 is recognised as the turning point in the fortunes of The Open, giving new life and international impact to the championship. Since 1971, American players have dominated Birkdale’s Opens, with only Australian Ian Baker-Finch in 1991 breaking the run of successes achieved by Lee Trevino (1971), Johnny Miller (1976), Tom Watson (1983) and Mark O'Meara (1998).

A Few Open Championship Records

Oldest Winner	Old Tom Morris, 1867, 46 years 99 days
Youngest Winner	Young Tom Morris, 1868, 17 years 5 months 8 days
Champions in Three Decades	Harry Vardon, 1896, 1903, 1911
Victories by Amateurs	3, Bobby Jones 1926-27-30
Most Victories	6, Harry Vardon, 1896, 98, 99, 1903, 11, 14
Most Times Runner-Up	7, Jack Nicklaus, 1964, 67, 68, 72, 76, 77, 79
Lowest Winning Aggregates	267 (66, 68, 69, 64) Greg Norman
Lowest Individual Round	63 - Mark Hayes, 2nd round Turnberry
Most of Rounds Under 70	33, Jack Nicklaus
Most Appearances	46, Gary Player
Most Appearances Before Win	16, Nick Price

And here is a list of every winner all the way back too 1860. You’ll notice that World War One and Two interrupted the Open back in the teens and forties, then everyone seemed to over sleep in 1871 creating a hole in the record books, but otherwise they have been teeing it up for 148 years. Is that cool, or what?

The Open Champions 1860 -2007

2007 - Padraig Harrington, Carnoustie
2006 - Tiger Woods Royal Liverpool
2005 - Tiger Woods St. Andrews
2004 - Todd Hamilton Royal Troon
2003 - Ben Curtis Royal St. George's
2002 - Ernie Els Muirfield
2001 - David Duval Royal Lytham
2000 - Tiger Woods St. Andrews
1999 - Paul Lawrie Carnoustie
1998 - Mark O'Meara Royal Birkdale
1997 - Justin Leonard Royal Troon
1996 - Tom Lehman Royal Lytham
1995 - John Daly St. Andrews
1994 - Nick Price Turnberry
1993 - Greg Norman Royal St. George's
1992 - Nick Faldo Muirfield, Scotland
1991 - Ian Baker-Finch Royal Birkdale
1990 - Nick Faldo St. Andrews, Scotland
1989 - Mark Calcavecchia Royal Troon
1988 - Seve Ballesteros Royal Lytham
1987 - Nick Faldo Muirfield, Scotland
1986 - Greg Norman Turnberry, Scotland
1985 - Sandy Lyle Royal St. George's
1984 - Seve Ballesteros St. Andrews
1983 - Tom Watson Royal Birkdale
1982 - Tom Watson Royal Troon
1981 - Bill Rogers Royal St. George's
1980 - Tom Watson Muirfield
1979 - Seve Ballesteros Royal Lytham
1978 - Jack Nicklaus St. Andrews
1977 - Tom Watson Turnberry
1976 - Johnny Miller Royal Birkdale
1975 - Tom Watson Carnoustie
1974 - Gary Player Royal Lytham
1973 - Tom Weiskopf Troon
1972 - Lee Trevino Muirfield
1971 - Lee Trevino Royal Birkdale
1970 - Jack Nicklaus St. Andrews
1969 - Tony Jacklin Royal Lytham
1968 - Gary Player Carnoustie
1967 - Roberto de Vicenzo Hoylake
1966 - Jack Nicklaus Muirfield
1965 - Peter Thomson Southport
1964 - Tony Lema St. Andrews
1963 - Bob Charles Royal Lytham
1962 - Arnold Palmer Troon
1961 - Arnold Palmer Royal Birkdale
1960 - Kel Nagle St. Andrews
1959 - Gary Player Muirfield
1958 - Peter Thomson Royal Lytham
1957 - Bobby Locke St. Andrews
1956 - Peter Thomson Hoylake
1955 - Peter Thomson St. Andrews
1954 - Peter Thomson Royal Birkdale
1953 - Ben Hogan Carnoustie
1952 - Bobby Locke Royal Lytham
1951 - Max Faulkner Portrush
1950 - Bobby Locke Troon
1949 - Bobby Locke Royal St. George's
1948 - Henry Cotton Muirfield
1947 - Fred Daly Hoylake
1946 - Sam Snead St. Andrews
1945 - Not played
1944 - Not played
1943 - Not played
1942 - Not played
1941 - Not played
1940 - Not played
1939 - Richard Burton St. Andrews
1938 - R.A. Whitcombe Royal St. George's
1937 - Henry Cotton Carnoustie
1936 - Alfred Padgham Hoylake
1935 - Alfred Perry Muirfield
1934 - Henry Cotton Royal St. George's
1933 - Denny Shute St. Andrews
1932 - Gene Sarazen Prince's
1931 - Tommy Armour Carnoustie
1930 - Robert Jones Jr. Hoylake
1929 - Walter Hagen Muirfield
1928 - Walter Hagen Royal St. George's
1927 - Robert Jones Jr. St. Andrews
1926 - Robert Jones Jr. Royal Lytham
1925 - James Barnes Prestwick
1924 - Walter Hagen Hoylake
1923 - Arthur Havers Troon
1922 - Walter Hagen Royal St. George's
1921 - Jock Hutchison St. Andrews
1920 - George Duncan Deal
1919 - Not played
1918 - Not played
1917 - Not played
1916 - Not played
1915 - Not played
1914 - Harry Vardon Prestwick
1913 - J.H. Taylor Hoylake
1912 - Edward Ray Muirfield
1911 - Harry Vardon Royal St. George's
1910 - James Braid St. Andrews
1909 - J.H. Taylor Deal
1908 - James Braid Prestwick
1907 - Arnaud Massy Hoylake
1906 - James Braid Muirfield
1905 - James Braid St. Andrews
1904 - Jack White Royal St. George's
1903 - Harry Vardon Prestwick
1902 - Alexander Herd Hoylake
1901 - James Braid Muirfield
1900 - J.H. Taylor St. Andrews
1899 - Harry Vardon Royal St. George's
1898 - Harry Vardon Prestwick
1897 - Harold Hilton Hoylake
1896 - Harry Vardon Muirfield
1895 - J.H. Taylor St. Andrews
1894 - J.H. Taylor Royal St. George's
1893 - William Auchterlonie Prestwick
1892 - Harold Hilton Muirfield
1891 - Hugh Kirkaldy St. Andrews
1890 - John Ball Prestwick
1889 - Willie Park Jr. Musselburgh
1888 - Jack Burns St. Andrews
1887 - Willie Park Jr. Prestwick
1886 - David Brown Musselburgh
1885 - Bob Martin St. Andrews
1884 - Jack Simpson Prestwick
1883 - Willie Fernie Musselburgh
1882 - Robert Ferguson St. Andrews
1881 - Robert Ferguson Prestwick
1880 - Robert Ferguson Musselburgh
1879 - Jamie Anderson St. Andrews
1878 - Jamie Anderson Prestwick
1877 - Jamie Anderson Musselburgh
1876 - Robert Martin St. Andrews
1875 - Willie Park Prestwick
1874 - Mungo Park Musselburgh
1873 - Tom Kidd St. Andrews
1872 - Tom Morris Jr. Prestwick
1871 - Not played
1870 - Tom Morris Jr. Prestwick
1869 - Tom Morris Jr. Prestwick
1868 - Tom Morris Jr. Prestwick
1867 - Tom Morris Sr. Prestwick
1866 - Willie Park Prestwick
1865 - Andrew Strath Prestwick
1864 - Tom Morris Sr. Prestwick
1863 - Willie Park Prestwick
1862 - Tom Morris Sr. Prestwick
1861 - Tom Morris Sr. Prestwick
1860 - Willie Park Prestwick

I met Anthony Kim at the EDS Byron Nelson Championship in the spring. He was with Blake Smith, one of his agents, who happens to be the son of Randy Smith, a former T2G contributor, and one of Golf Digest magazine’s perennial top-ranked instructors.

If I recall correctly, it was Tuesday or Wednesday of Tournament week and I was leaving the media room just as Blake and Anthony were arriving to give an interview. Blake, who I’ve known for a couple of years, grabbed my arm and said, “Sam, I want you to meet Anthony Kim.”

I remember being surprised, actually startled, when Anthony said, “Nice to meet you” in a voice two octaves lower than the bass singer of the Oak Ridge Boys. I also remember him being taller than I expected. He’s no Nick Faldo, but he’s an honest 5’ 10”. He also had a handshake like a vise, but what struck me the most is that he looked so Asian; not that there is anything wrong with that, except that he didn’t look like Jack, or Phil, or Ernie, or even Tiger. On top of that, he sounded like Toby Keith, no doubt the results of spending too much time in Norman, Oklahoma.

It was like the LPGA in drag… and I mean that in a nice way.

Obviously, Anthony is not the first player of Asian descent to play on the PGA Tour; as a matter of fact there are seven playing in 2008, but he may be the best. Forget about Shigeki, K. J. and the rest, this guy can really play… and that started me thinking.

Is it possible that the PGA is headed down the same path as the LPGA, where at last count had 57 Asians playing, plus Danielle Ammaccapane, Virada Nirapathpongporn and Stacy Prammanasudh, which makes me wonder how they get those names on a golf bag?

Granted, Anthony Kim was born in L.A., went to the University of Oklahoma and doesn’t care for Chinese food, but that’s not the point. If you didn’t know by now, golf in the United States is becoming an international game and that’s good news for many reasons. First, we want the PGA to be the best tour in the world. Forget that European Ryder Cup crap, the big dogs eat on the PGA Tour. When it suits us, we’ll travel around the world and kick butt, but most of the time we’ll stay home eating barbeque and drinking Bud; leave your corkscrew at home, this is America.

Today’s PGA looks like Tiger Woods, but it also looks like Vijay Singh, Shigeki Maruyama, Charlie Wi, Stuart Appleby, Sergio Garcia, Retife Goosen, Padraig Harrington, Gabriel Hjertsedt, Ruuji Imada, Andres Romero, Justin Rose, Rory Sabbatini and the pride and joy of the good old U.S. of A. Anthony Kim.

That’s why the PGA Tour is the best. The reason Anthony Kim is the best is that his scoring average is 70.95; his driving average is 301 yards; he’s hitting the fairway at a 58.70% clip, and greens 67.20% of the time, and averaging 29.14 putts per round. Oh yeah, and he has made $3,256,622 in 14 events in 2008.

He may not look like Tom Watson, who looks like Alfred E. Newman, who said "It takes one to know one -- and vice versa!" but he looks as American as Notah Begay III and Tiger Woods, and that’s what I like to think the American apple pie metaphor is all about.

Wait a minute; Notah Begay III is a Native American, which trumps everything.

The question being whispered about these days has to do with whether or not the U.S. Ryder Cup team is a better team without Tiger Woods?  How is that possible, you ask?  Frankly, I find it a hard to understand myself, but ever since Tiger Woods became “the superstar” of the game of golf he appears to eclipse the team concept, or at least that’s what many would have you believe.

I don’t believe it and neither do the Brits.

Without Tiger, who’s our stopper?  Who do we put on their best man and expect to win? Who stands up in the locker room?  Who validates parking?  Is Phil Mickelson the guy, or does that sound as funny to you as it does to me? Does Stewart Cink have the game, or Jim Furyk have the personality?  Can a Munchkin like Justin Leonard garner the respect needed to lead with a 275 yard drive?

There must be a leader out there.

What about hometown boy Kenny Perry? Will he have too many Kentucky friends and family sleeping on the couch to concentrate? Next in line would be Boo Weekly, but I want you to name a great leader named Boo?  The kid Anthony Kim still calls guys like Phil Mickelson sir, so how can he lead?  Perhaps Brandt Snedeker the guy who cried at the Masters? I guess that question answered itself.

We should not give up.

Steve Stricker could be the guy but I’m not sure anyone has ever heard him speak.  He may sound like Jessica Simpson and that would never do.  D. J. Trahan the Sports Management major from Clemson University has already made more money in 2008 than in any other year in his short career, so I’m thinking he needs a little time to adjust to the big money.  Which brings us to Hunter Mahan, but not even Hunter listens to Hunter.

Step forward someone… anyone!

Master Champion Zack Johnson is a possibility but his game is not in top form and hasn’t been for a while.  So, how about Jeff Quinney who is related by marriage to Wayne Gretzky I think, but he still does not have a win. Do you want to bet the ranch on a guy without a win? Perhaps the guy is J. B. Holmes, who has won twice as much money in 2008 as any other year in his career, but I’m thinking the stage is too big, or his goatee too small.  Either way, he’s not the guy.

Great needs require great deeds.

Perhaps team captain Azinger should consider the sixteenth man on the list of possibilities. The man with the faint hint of Italian sausage on his breath; The guy with the hairiest arms on tour; the man who abandoned the long putter because it made him look short; the one and only, Rocco Mediate.  Let’s hear it: Rocco…Rocco… Rocco.  Can you still hear the cheering?

If we can keep Rocco from stopping up the drains with body hair, he could be the ultimate team guy. Big stage experience; check. Humble beyond belief; check.  Tenacious if we don’t have to go into extra innings; check.  And above all, colorful; check, check.

Why not Rocco? In the 77 year history of the Ryder Cup there has never been a Rocco. Of course there has never been a Barbara either, but that’s another story. Granted, the name Rocco doesn’t put fear in the hearts of the Europeans, but neither do the names Phil, or Justin, or Steve, or Stewart, or even Uncle Sam.

The U.S. hasn’t won the Ryder Cup since 1999, so what do we have to lose? Bring on the Italian Stallion Rocco Mediate. If you want to help, and I know you do, get out your paper and pen and write to Captain Paul Azinger in care of: Ryder Cup Office at Valhalla Golf Club, P.O. Box 43819, Louisville, KY 40253.

Tell Captain Azinger that Rocco is the man. Do it because you love the game.  Do it because Rocco is the man.  Do it because you too have a 36” plus spot on your belt.

When you and I get a day off we play golf, so what do you think Tiger is going to do now that he has a year to kill time?

Travel?  Well, that sounds great except that Tiger has been around the world sixteen times, in sixteen different ways. So, what’s the point?

I did see a picture of he and Steve Williams on Jet-Skis somewhere in the Caribbean a couple of years ago, which begs the question, who goes on vacation with their caddy, even if their caddy is Steve Williams?  And, if Steve is not invited on Tiger’s year long sabbatical, is he still getting paid?

A famous golf teacher once told me that Tiger tosses tips around like manhole covers, and that he had personally laid more than a few bucks out on Tiger’s behalf in the locker room.  I hope that’s not all together true; I don’t mind Tiger being frugal, but cheap is sad.

How about a trip to the Olympics for Tiger?  He could rent the biggest house in China, invite Michael Jordan and party down Asian style. Perhaps he could offer his services as a sports physiologist.  Without question he could teach game face, focus, and playing through the pain.  He could also teach endorsements, interviews and smile flashing, all of which he holds a PhD in. But he could teach that stuff anywhere, and China is only two weeks even though it seems a lot longer when you’re watching the 10,000 meters run.

I hear that Boo Weekley likes to fish in his time off, but for some reason I can’t picture Tiger on the banks of the Swanee River watching his cork bob up and down for hours on end, nor do I see Tiger following Jeff Gordon around the NASCAR circuit.  Now, Tiger on his 1,000-foot yacht wearing designer fishing clothes with a sailfish shining in the evening sun is more like it, or taking a lap or two around the Monaco Grand Prix after a few tips from Michael Schumacher; that’s the Tiger I know, or don’t know.

I guess that’s the point.  We don’t really know Tiger Woods without a golf club in his hand.  Does he like to fish, or play tennis, or read books, or watch TV, or cut the grass?  Is he an ordinary guy, or an extraordinary guy off the golf course?

Does Elin send him to the Stop ‘N Go for milk and bread? Do they go to the movies and does he remember to turn off his cell phone?  I doubt it, not because he wouldn’t enjoy it, but lets face it, Tiger Woods is Elvis.

I read a story several years ago about Elvis when he was not only the King of Rock and Roll, but the King of Las Vegas as well. As the story goes he was in his penthouse suite high above the Las Vegas strip when he said to a friend, “Man, that looks like fun down there.”

To which his friend answered, “It is fun.  Let’s go down there and join them.”

“I can’t” Elvis answered. “I’m Elvis Pressley.”

I suspect that Tiger Woods feels that same way.  Unfortunately, it’s the price of fame and fortune, and you and I would probably trade places with him in a heartbeat.

We all wish Tiger the best recovery possible because we love watching him play, and in a voyeuristic sort of way being part of the history he is creating.  “Yes,” I said to my grandson, “I saw Tiger win the U.S. Open on one leg. Come to think of it he only had one arm as well.  There was this giant Italian guy who hit Tiger in the head with a four iron, but Tiger only smiled. Yes, I saw it live in high-definition and it went on for days.

“It was the fourteenth of his fifty-five majors, if I recall.”

 

I always knew that I couldn’t hold a candle to Tiger Woods on the golf course.  Now, I find out the same thing is true for Rocco Mediate.  Granted, I am taller than Rocco, my butt is smaller, and I’m not nearly as hairy, but I am also not even close to being as talented as the Pennsylvania paisan.

Intellectually, I always knew that to be the case; however, in my mind my turn is more Mikhail Baryshnikov than Charles Barkley, even though I have pictures to prove otherwise. I realize that the mind plays tricks, but this is more than a trick, this is a full-fledged pie in the face, drop your pants, laugh out loud joke.

Still, I have a confession. Somehow it doesn’t matter that every player on every Tour in the entire world is a better golfer than me. Like most people, I have waited in line at the first tee and made fun of other people’s swing without ever considering that some other guy waiting in line is making fun of my swing.  Worst of all, I’m sorry to say that I have, at times, given out unsolicited golf tips to a playing partner or two, even though I have no idea what I am doing. “You need to move the ball back in your stance, use more right hand, and while you’re at it, you could use a new golf bag.”

Why would I do this, and why do people do this to me?

The answer is simple; Golf is the devil’s game.  When you’re driving well, you can’t hit your irons.  When you’re nailing your irons, your driver deserts you. Then, on that rare day when you are driving well and hitting your irons crisp, you couldn’t putt a basketball into the ocean.  That’s not the doings of any kind of God.

Think about it. How many times have we been ready to quit the game, give it up completely, only to rip a drive down the middle, or sink a fifty-foot putt?  It’s not a golf God that plays those kinds of tricks, it’s the golf devil, and he/she (who can tell in the red suit) will never let you rest until you have bought every new driver, read every article and book, taken every lesson, and missed every critical putt.

It’s the golf devil that made you top that drive on the first tee at the club championship. How else would you explain it?  Granted, talent is the Devil’s kryptonite, and BS is the Devil’s crack.  In other words, we should practice more and talk less.  But what’s the fun in that, and why shouldn’t give a golf tip or two?

In the words of Sidney Deane, the Wesley Snipes character in White Men Can’t Jump, “It ain’t easy being this good.”  Sidney also said, “You can put a cat in an oven, but that don't make it a biscuit.” But that’s another story.

Perhaps the truth is in what the Gloria Clemente character (Rosie Perez) had to say, “Sometimes when you win, you really lose, and sometimes when you lose, you really win, and sometimes when you win or lose, you actually tie, and sometimes when you tie, you actually win or lose. Winning or losing is all one organic mechanism, from which one extracts what one needs.”

I have no idea what that means, but the golf Devil knows.

In the end, I may (or may not) write better than most guys on the Tour, and I may even be better looking than Rocco, but that doesn’t change the fact that the worst player on any Tour in the world is a better golfer than I am.  I’m not being modest.  This is something that I have come to grips with.  It is the prerequisite for loading the bag with hybrids and moving up to the middle tees.

Actually, from an intellectual standpoint, the middle tees are more challenging… It’s no longer a game of brute strength… It reminds me of how Ben Hogan used to play… The 300-yard drive is over rated… Keep that right elbow close to your body…

In the words of Billy Hoyle, “I may be a chump, I just said that wasn't my name.”

 

It was just about this time last year when Tiger Woods told reporters that, in general, he considered Oakmont the toughest golf course in America, and furthermore he didn’t think there was any way that a 10-handicapper could break 100 from the back tees.

I’m not sure why, perhaps because no one at the time took him seriously, but for whatever reason no irate 10-handicapper took him up on that challenge last year.

But this year is different, and with Torrey Pines refurbished to play 7,643-yards, the longest golf course in U.S. Open history, Golf Digest and NBC thought it would serve as a suitable stand-in for a new set of challengers, namely Dallas Quarterback Tony Romo, a 2 handicapper, singer Justin Timberlake a 6 handicapper, “Today” host Matt Lauer also a 6 handicapper, and a guy from Omaha by the name of John Atkinson a medical salesman who was chosen from 56,374 essay applicants to play in the challenge.

Romo, who missed qualifying for the U.S. Open this Spring by only a couple of strokes is obviously not a 10 handicapper. He shot a front nine 40, but stumbled a bit as the round slowed to a six hour pace finishing up with an 84. I didn’t see it with my own eyes, so I cannot refute or confirm a Jessica Simpson, AKA Yoko Romo, sighting.

Our boy band wonder Justin Timberlake reportedly started playing to the crowd once his swing failed him. There was also a detailed report concerning his playing attire but I refuse to get into that. Let’s just say he parred 18 to finish with a 98 and leave it at that.

Matt Lauer’s 100 included a quadruple bogey, a series of doubles and a face saving 5 on number 18. Giving into Tiger, Lauer said, “It’s not easy. I didn’t think Tiger made an outrageous statement.”

John Atkinson, the guy from Omaha, figured out early that this round was about enjoying the moment. “At some point I just didn’t really care,” said Atkinson, who is undergoing treatment for advanced inoperable lung cancer. “I just wanted to enjoy it.” Atkinson had his own cheering section shouting “C’mon, Johnny!” His friend, Dave Leahy, said the crowd joined Atkinson as he trained in Omaha to prepare him for the pressure of playing in front of an audience. “He was out there every Saturday with 50 people pretending to be the gallery and wearing a mike so he’d get used to it,” Leahy said. He gave his caddy, noted sports psychologist Bob Rotella, a sweet shrug after chasing the ball around the green before making his putt on the fifth hole. It’s a once-in-a-lifetime experience for him,” said his wife, Lori. “It doesn’t matter.”

When all was said and done, John Atkinson won everyone’s heart with a 43-over 114 and a winning smile.

So, what’s the final results? We all agree that Tiger is pretty good. A few of us believe that Tony Romo has some promise as a golfer. And, I have to admit that Timberlake and Lauer have a little game as well, but on that day John Atkinson won hands down.

Every time I think about U.S. Open qualifying I can’t help thinking about the great Roy “Tin Cup” McAvoy. What did Roy say? “Perfection is unattainable.” Roy spoke perhaps the best golf poem ever written, and here it is in its entirety straight from Roy lips to you:

Sadly, the 2008 U.S. Open will be without Fred Couples who shot 69, 72 and missed the cut by two strokes. Disappointed, he didn’t bother to sign his scorecard and was officially disqualified. On the brighter side, Davis Love III qualified for his 18th trip to the Open. He had just finished four tough days at the Memorial, and then had to make it through 36 holes on Monday to qualify. It makes my back hurt just thinking about it.

On the other hand, Chris DiMarco, along with father and son players Bill and Jay Haas, former U.S. Ryder Cup captain Tom Lehman and Kevin Stadler, was among the other players who failed to qualify. Then, just to make those guys feel even worse, 51 year old Champions Tour player, and two-time major champion Mark O'Meara made the cut, while 19-year-old phenom Rory McIlroy fell short.

As I’ve said before, life isn’t fair, and golf is worse than that.

Speaking of age, when I heard 48 year old Kenny Perry say earlier in the year that his goal was to work his way into the top 30 Official World Rankings and make the Ryder Cup, I’ll admit that I laughed a bit. Pardon me Kenny, who is now ranked 27th in the world after his win at The Memorial and seems a shoo-in to make the Ryder Cup team. The Kentucky native was determined to play his way into a hometown host position for the Cup, which is being played at the Valhalla Golf Club down Louisville way, and it looks like he’s going to make it.

How can Steve Stricker still be ranked 7th in the world, and 19th on the money list? I haven’t seen him all year, have you?

I guess Stewart Cink is destined to always be the bridesmaid, at least this year. The tall bald is 1st in top tens, but has no wins. He’s also 5th in FedExCup points and last in NASCAR Nextel Points, if you care about that sort of thing.

Speaking of “if you care” stuff. An 18-year-old by the name of Amy Yang, had a course-record 63 on Saturday and finished 21-under par to win the Ladies German Open by four strokes. However, the headline in the paper read “Michelle Wie Finishes Sixth.” Sorry Amy.

To her credit, Wie had a last-round 67 to finish 14 under, her first time under par since July 2006 -- a streak of 13 events that included seven missed cuts.

"It's been a really long time since I shot that score," Wie said. "So now I know what it feels like and can put it in the memory bank. And I feel like I can go lower."

Who knows, maybe she’s back.

Speaking of back, did you notice that Mike Weir is back. The diminutive Canadian, who had been battling putting woes for a while, finished tied for second two shots behind Kenny Perry at the Memorial.

Friends and fellow competitors once upon a time on the Canadian Tour, Steve Stricker and Weir got to talking at the Crowne Plaza Invitational at Colonial. Winner of the 2003 Masters, Weir was bemoaning his putting when Stricker, one of the best on the greens, offered a tip and a lifeline to lower scoring.

In five minutes, Weir was a new man at least in the task of rolling a little white ball.

Weir confirmed that the tip wasn't anything mysterious about feel or pace. "It was really just a little more acceleration," said Weir. "That was just it. So just something simple."

Most of life’s enduring lessons are something that simple, aren’t they?

Here's a transcript of the interview with Tiger Woods at yesterday's PGA Championship Media Day that we'd like to share with you...

JULIUS MASON:  Good afternoon everyone.  I'm Julius Mason, Senior Director of Communications and Media Relations for the PGA of America.  Welcome to the 90th PGA Championship Media Day.

We have a number of special guests in our audience, and we would like you to meet some of them now.

From the Michigan PGA Section, Secretary Gary Koenes.

And the Michigan PGA Section Executive Director, Kevin Helm.

From Oakland Hills Country Club, Chief Operating Officer, Rick Bayliss;  PGA Head Professional Pat Croswell; and, Superintendent Steven Cook.

The Secretary of The PGA of America, from Phoenix, Maryland, Allen Wronowski.

And the PGA Championship Tournament Director for this event, Ryan Cannon.

Now it is my pleasure to introduce the president of The PGA of America, from Bend, Oregon, Brian Whitcomb.

BRIAN WHITCOMB:  Thank you, Julius and welcome everyone.  It's so nice to be back in Michigan.

The 2004 Ryder Cup doesn't seem like it was that long ago.  In just two months, Oakland Hills Country Club will continue a PGA Championship tradition of testing the world's greatest players on some of the world's greatest golf courses.

History has proven that the strongest fields in Major Championship golf have been at PGA Championships.  Since 1991, the PGA Championship has hosted the deepest field based on the official World Golf Rankings.

Last year's championship at Southern Hills featured 97 of the top 100 world ranked players and 64 players representing 22 countries, the most of any U.S. Major.

The PGA Championship also is the only championship that features an all professional field.  20 members of the field are the nation's finest PGA club professionals.

The excitement of the PGA Championship commands a global audience.  In addition to the millions of U.S. viewers who will watch some 28 hours of championship coverage by CBS Sports and TNT, millions of viewers in more than 194 countries and territories with a household reach of more than 594 million also will watch the exciting action of the season's final Major Championship.

We are extremely excited about returning to this community.  We know the 90th PGA Championship will draw enthusiastic galleries to Oakland Hills and we look forward to seeing you in August.

JULIUS MASON:  Thanks, Brian.  And now let's hear from one of our key partners who is responsible for bringing the PGA Championship to the world through the magic of television, ladies and gentlemen, CBS Sports' Rob Correa.

ROB CORREA:  Thank you, Julius.  I would also like to thank the PGA of America, Allen and Brian, Joe, who is not here.  We have a terrific relationship with the PGA, one that we see continuing year after year.  I would also like to thank Turner, David Levy and his guys; we have done the PGA Championship for a number of years with them.  And that's, that will be a lot harder to do if we didn't have such a good relationship.

The 2008 PGA Championship will be CBS's 18th in a row since we started in 1991.  And as you saw on the video there's been some really amazing moments, from Daly's Cinderella Story the first year we got the PGA back.  To Davis' rainbow and Tiger's incredible playoff with Bob May.  Sergio running around the fairways.  It's been an incredible run.  I'm sure we'll see some amazing things this year.

Our schedule, we will be doing two preview shows in late July and early August and then highlights Thursday and Friday night of the PGA at 12:30, 7 a.m. and then we're on the air for the third and final rounds at 2 o'clock on the weekend.

Last year close to 32 million people watched some part of the third and final round on CBS over the weekend.  Which is really, that's a significant number for any television program and it's really a special number for golf.  Clearly this is one of the preeminent events in golf and the viewership that we get proves that.

Lance Barrow is our coordinating producer and Steve Nelson is our coordinating director.  This will be their 12th year together producing and directing the PGA.  We don't think there's a better team in golf.  Our talent configuration will include Bill Macatee, Verne Lundquist, Gary McCord, Ian Baker Finch, Peter Oosterhuis, Peter Kostis, David Feherty and on 18, Jim Nantz and Nick Faldo.  So without a doubt in a couple of months, be here before we know it, we look forward to more memorable moments at the PGA.  Thank you, Julius.

JULIUS MASON:  Now from Turner Sports, the PGA of America's television and digital media partner, President David Levy.  David.

DAVID LEVY:  Thank you, Julius.  We're also very proud of the partnership that we have with CBS and the folks from the PGA of America and in fact this is our 17th consecutive year that Turner Sports is televising the PGA Championships and the 10th year that we are now putting it on TNT.

And we're looking forward to our announcers and our team covering these four days exclusively with CBS our partners, with great analysis and great coverage.

I'm also proud to announce today that we, that we are announcing that Ian Baker Finch will be working our booth alongside our other key announcers, Ernie Johnson, Billy Kratzert and Jim Huber who is here today.  Ian has previously been a part of our 2003, 2004 British Open and we're delighted to have him back in this year's PGA Championship on TNT.  And for everybody in this room, I don't think we could have had that happen without our friends at CBS letting us help in making that happen for us.

As we venture into our 17th year of coverage I'm proud to reflect our long standing relationship with the PGA of America which is a significant partnership for Turner Sports' portfolio.  And as Julius mentioned, for the last two decades we have been working together to produce the best on air coverage of the PGA Championships as well as the PGA Grand Slam of America.

And we ever extended this partnership to include the award winning PGA.com.

This marks the third year that we'll consecutively coverage on the PGA Championship on PGA.com.  It will be live broadband coverage that you'll be able to see throughout the four days.

In 2007 PGA.com streamed more than 45 hours of this tournament coverage yielding more than 2 million streams and 165 million page views over the course of the four days.  TNT is proud to be a part of this event.  We look forward to being back here in Detroit.  And go Red Wings tonight.

JULIUS MASON:  Thank you very much David and now ladies and gentlemen let's hear from our host, the 90th PGA Championship general chairman, Mike Mihalich.

MIKE MIHALICH:  Thanks, Julius.  On behalf of the members of the 90th PGA Championship Committee and Oakland Hills Country Club, I'd like to thank all of you in this room for your support of this great championship.

We are proud of the history of Oakland Hills Country Club, which currently is ranked 17th by Golf Digest in its list of America's 100 greatest golf courses.

During its 90 year history, Oakland Hills Country Club has hosted 16 premier championships, including six U.S. Opens, two PGA Championships, two U.S. Senior Opens, the U.S. Women's Amateur, the U.S. Men's Amateur, Western Open, Carling World Open, and the 35th Ryder Cup in 2004.

It's not too late to secure tickets to the season's final Major and we have information to help your readers, viewers, and listeners.

We feature various ticket packages in order to give golf fans an opportunity to participate in this Major Championship in a way that best fits their schedule.

Fans may purchase tickets via the Internet at www.PGA2008.com.  Or, they can also call 1 800 PGA GOLF.

Ticket packages include juniors admitted free of charge for the entire week if accompanied by a ticket bearing adult.  Those details are in your news kit.

Again, ladies and gentlemen, Oakland Hills Country Club is honored to be hosting the 90th PGA Championship and we look forward to seeing you all there in August.

JULIUS MASON:  Thanks, Mike.  And now, let's hear one more time from Brian Whitcomb.

BRIAN WHITCOMB:  Thanks, Julius.  The PGA Championship has been fortunate each year to produce special signature moments from champions who capture the Wanamaker Trophy.

Those images are forever etched in time and serve as wonderful memories for golf fans throughout the world.

Our defending champion took control last year at Southern Hills Country Club, with a record heat index of 112 degrees.  He started with a birdie on the opening hole and cruised to a five stroke victory.

His victory was his fourth in the PGA Championship, to give him 13 Major Championships.

He is ranked No. 1 in the world, and he has displayed early this year that he has the momentum to make this an even more memorable season in his career.

And for those of you that have difficulty remembering Tiger's victory last year, here is a little reminder.

(Video played.)

RIAN WHITCOMB:  We are proud to welcome our defending PGA Champion, via satellite, Tiger Woods.  Tiger, thanks for joining us.

TIGER WOODS:  How you doing, Brian.

BRIAN WHITCOMB:  Good, buddy.

JULIUS MASON:  Mr. Woods, Julius Mason here.  We're joined by about 75 of your closest friends and I think off the top of their head they have one burning question for you, Detroit or Pittsburgh tonight?  In the Stanley Cup finals.

(Laughter.)

TIGER WOODS:  That's pretty good.  I don't really care, let's talk about the Dodgers.

(Laughter.)

JULIUS MASON:  Politically correct as always and that's what we  

TIGER WOODS:  I don't think anybody really watches hockey any more.

(Laughter.)

JULIUS MASON:  Tiger, before we go to Q&A, some opening thoughts about returning to Oakland Hills.  I think the last time you were here might have been 2004.

TIGER WOODS:  That would be correct.  Yes.

JULIUS MASON:  Your thoughts about returning and defending your championship here?

TIGER WOODS:  Looking forward to it.  I played there twice, I played there in '96 as an amateur and then I played in the Ryder Cup in 2004 and definitely one of the one of the hardest golf courses that you can play.  The greens are absolutely demanding.  The way it's usually set up for the last two times I played it's been difficult, it's been testing, the weather's been a little bit of a factor but not too much